Coping With Suicide: A Spiritual Perspective
The 7th of February, is a date etched in our family’s memory forever, as it marks the anniversary of our beautiful niece’s passing 7 years ago when, at the age of 20, the unthinkable happened; she committed suicide. Without doubt the hardest part of coping with her death is seeing the pain in her parent’s and brother’s eyes. Although time has passed and some healing has occurred, their emotional pain is still evident and present.
Coping when someone dies—especially in the case of suicide—is particularly difficult. A certain stigma is associated with suicide so it can be hard for loved-ones to talk about it. Different cultures and religious views can make the acceptance of what has taken place even more traumatic. Fear of what has happened to the ‘soul’ of the one who has ended their life and guilty feelings—often held by parents, partners or loved-ones, thinking they could have prevented the death from occurring—weigh heavily.
The event of our niece dying this way and because some friends and relatives of ours have taken their lives, I have spent time asking Spirit about suicide. And like so many times, when my heart has been heavy with grief, I have been lifted by Spirit’s words of truth—every time. Their words bring more than solace and comfort; they provide a greater perspective to life—here and beyond.
I’d like to share some points with you about suicide that has come to light in my mind, as a result of Spirit’s words and wisdom.
What is Death?
When I first questioned Spirit about the physical trauma that someone undergoes when taking their own life, the first point they told me was: how we die is not important because death is simply a means, a way in which our spirit is able to exit the physical body.
This information was, for me, life-changing, as, like most people, my thoughts on suicide were often focused on the trauma and unpleasant ways in which the person took their life. But Spirit gave me a different perspective which showed me that those things were not of high importance. They then went on to explain that, regardless of how someone dies, the important thing is that we project love to our departed loved-one because our love greatly assists them in adjusting to the energy vibrations that they find themselves in on the other side of life. This is a great help to the person who has passed over.
There are no accidents
The second ‘light bulb moment’ that I experienced was when Spirit, stated: There are no accidents. If the person was not meant to exit their physical body in the way they chose and at the precise time that it took place, something would have occurred to prevent the suicide from happening.
This really blew my mind because it means that the blame that so many people carry in their hearts as a result of their loved-one committing suicide, is … unnecessary as, in truth, there is no fault; there is no blame. All happened exactly as it was meant to happen.
We only see and know part of the picture
Through automatic writing, which is the way that I receive communication from Spirit, I was also informed that, whilst we live in the physical world under the direction of our conscious mind, we see only a glimpse of the big picture of life; a great deal goes on that we don’t see—especially at a spiritual level. Whilst we are in physical form, we are not privy to all of the information regarding our own lives—including past and present; nor are we privy to all of the information about other people’s lives—including past and present.
This is a really important point. We try to understand ‘why’ our loved-one made the decision to take their life, yet, we don’t have all the information. We may have some information about them pertaining to the physical level but we don’t have any information at the spiritual level. Whilst most suicides occur either as a result of mental illness—depression being the most common—or stress—inability to cope with life—we must not make the assumption purely from what we observe at a physical level. We believe that the cause is related to this life experience, but there may be other factors at play. For example, past life experiences that need to be played out in this life or spiritual lessons that need to be worked out in the physical realm.
We are not privy to each individual’s spiritual contract before they take on a body, so how can we know the full picture of why suicide has been scripted by them in this lifetime?
There are many reasons why a soul may choose suicide and that decision is not always related to their present lifetime. Whatever the reasons for them making that choice, the end result is always the same: spiritually, they learn and grow from the experience—as do all the people whose lives were affected by that particular person taking their life. And the main growth and learning that needs to occur for all who have been affected by the suicide: love, compassion, forgiveness and non-judgement.
Does this mean that when we find life ‘all too difficult’ it’s alright to abdicate all of our responsibilities and choose to end our life under the guise that we will learn? Each time that we incarnate into physical form, our mission is to deal with the ups and downs of the life that we have scripted. There are consequences in choosing to take our physical life—but that requires a whole lot more information which I can share in a separate blog, if there is sufficient interest.
How best we can help
If a loved-one or a friend of yours has died due to suicide, take comfort in Spirit’s words. Know that there was nothing you or anyone could have done at the time to prevent it from occurring. It was their time and, they chose to experience suicide in this lifetime—for reasons not fully known to us—as their particular method their way to exit the physical body and set their spirit free.
As difficult as it is to live without them and to cope with the trauma of their death, we have been given a directive by Spirit as to how best we can help them and that is to give them our love. Our love helps them to adjust to the other side of life; it assists them to learn what they need to learn as a result of the choice they made; it supports and nourishes them spiritually; it’s the best gift we can give them.
Another aspect to suicide is that it provides the opportunity for us to envelope the one who has taken their life—and the lives of those affected by the suicide—with love.
I will conclude this blog with two messages from Spirit that will shed more light on what I have been talking about. Both of these messages have been channelled, independently and at different dates and times. The first message was received by my husband, Tim, during one of our healing meditations; the second message I received through automatic writing.
Messages from Spirit
Part of the message received during the healing meditation
A personal message that I received on 25th April
Thank you so much for your blog regarding suicide. my partner lost his youngest brother two years ago, passages that I have just read explain a lot…. so grateful for this
Thank you so much for your comment and feedback. I am so pleased that the information provided was helpful to you.
Having only recently lost my son to suicide I find your message a comfort.
Dear Margaret,
firstly my apologies for not replying to your email sooner. The email ended up in spam so I did not see it until today!
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. It is so difficult to cope when one we love so dearly makes the decision to end their life sooner than expected. So much goes through our mind as to why and what could we have done to prevent the situation from occurring. I can assure you that, from all the information that I have received over the years from Spirit, they keep reminding us that, we all have an exit time and sometimes that exit time is of our own hand. Even suicide, though it may seem spontaneous, is actually a part of our spiritual contract. That is, we have decided that it is the method by which we will pass back home to spirit. It’s a method of leaving our body – as is the method of illness, old age, an accident. Spirit consistently reminds us that we never really die – we just move from one plane to another.
Whilst this information doesn’t take away the pain in our hearts when coping with loss, it can help us to have a better understanding. Suicide is not accidental. There is nothing that could have been done to prevent it because, it was his time, and it was his choice (prior to coming into physical form) of how he was going to pass back home.
The hole in our heart that occurs when our loved one dies is immense, and it’s hard to know what to do, how to keep going on, how to think, where to place our thoughts. If I can offer a little suggestion, the best thing that you can do for your son and yourself is to send love. I know that may sound ‘new age-y’ but let me explain.
Love is an energy, the highest and most powerful energy there is. When we are locked in grief, our emotional energy is understandably low. The weight of our emotions affects the energy of the one who has passed. They need to move on, learn, recover and expand in consciousness. The weight of our emotions on the earth plane makes it so much harder for them to do that. When we take the time to just hold love for them this is a helpful vibration. They are able to move on and progress. And later on, when they have adjusted, they can be of great assistance to you and your loved-ones in your earthly life.
How do you send this love? Think of a candle flame and that flame is his heart. Spread that light into his heart and simply repeat, “I fill you with love, I fill you with love.” Once you have done that for some time, then imagine the flame within you and repeat the same words, “I fill you with love, I fill you with love.” Yes, fill your heart with love too.
Love fosters forgiveness and freedom. Fear, worry, shame, guilt – all of those negative energies do not heal. They keep us trapped in pain which is life-sapping, unhelpful to our lives and to the one who has passed. No one gains when we are stuck in these negative emotions.
Projecting love gives purpose to your life because you are helping your son (not holding him back) and you are starting to heal your heart.
Whilst we never can forget out loved ones, we do, over time, have to let go. Everyone in our lives is on loan to us. We come together to live together, to experience situations together in order to learn from each other and spiritually grow. The purpose to physical life is to come to know who we are (spiritually) and to love under all conditions; and that love must extend to ourselves too. We will never know ‘why’ he chose to do this—as we are not privy to the reasons ‘why’ in the earthly realm. And we can spend the rest of our lives in search of ‘why’ or we can spend our lives honouring his beautiful soul, helping him in the best way we can and know how—with love.
I send you endless love from the highest form. May Divine Love’s love bathe and soothe your heart.
Helen
My 19 y.o. son, my best friend, Declan a gentle soul of rare beauty and seemingly with a full life before him, took his life by stepping under a train in the early hours of Christmas Eve.
One month on and the pain remains raw and all consuming. We do not and cannot know what pain drove him to this decision, but it was a considered one, and planned.
Your words have helped a little, but I miss him so and wish that I could follow him.
Dear Michael,
firstly my apologies for not replying to your email sooner. The email ended up in spam so I did not see it until today.
My deepest condolences to you. It is so difficult to cope when one we love so dearly makes the decision to end their life sooner than expected. So much goes through our mind as to why and what could we have done to prevent the situation from occurring. From all the information that I have received over the years from Spirit, they keep reminding us that, we all have an exit time and sometimes that exit time is of our own hand. Even suicide, though it may seem spontaneous, is actually a part of our spiritual contract. That is, we have decided that it is the method by which we will pass back home to spirit. It’s a method of leaving our body – as is the method of illness, old age, an accident. Spirit consistently reminds us that we never really die – we just move from one plane to another.
Whilst this information doesn’t take away the pain in our hearts when coping with loss, it can help us to have a better understanding. Suicide is not accidental. There is nothing that could have been done to prevent it because, it was his time, and it was Declan’s choice (prior to coming into physical form) of how he was going to pass back home.
It’s so hard for our minds to understand this. We see death as the end of life; our hearts yearn for the ones we love. What we are not taught, particularly in western culture, is that there is no death. We simply transit from this world/plane back home. We can never be destroyed as we are energy that is – eternal and infinite.
Whilst we often wish we could be with our loved ones, or wish it was our lives that have been taken instead of theirs, this is not how it is meant to be. Declan, now on the other side of life, would not want you live the rest of your days on earth under a cloud. He would want you to know life is continuum. His contract—like all of our contracts—are for personal growth as well as the growth of those around us/in our lives.
If I can share some information with you… as you are aware through my blog, our niece took her life 5 years ago at aged 20. She hung herself. She was a happy go lucky girl up until the age of about 16 when, she lost self-confidence and started mixing with the ‘wrong crowd.’ She got into drugs and, to cut a long story short, took her life on 7th February. As you know, nothing can prepare you for such an event.
Several weeks later, we received a message from Spirit that she was okay. And then sometime later again, she conveyed a message to us through Spirit that she was upset, not by her death because she realised she was still alive – just not in a body anymore; she was devastated because of the pain that she could see in her parents and brothers hearts. She didn’t want them to endure such pain. She said that she only needed to live 20 years this time round and she chose suicide as a way for her to exit her body. It was a learning curve for her as it was for her parents too.
It is so hard for our minds to understand all this because we only see this world – not the spirit world – and, in this world we are not exposed to the learning and spiritual contract that each one of us has agreed to in each lifetime that we encounter. Every child/person (including yourself) has their own script which is put together by them before they take on physical body as to how long they live/ in accordance with what lessons they have to learn this time round. We are not privy to that information and that is why it seems so difficult for us to understand why they would do such a thing.
The hole in our heart that occurs when our loved one dies is immense, and it’s hard to know what to do, how to keep going on, how to think, where to place our thoughts. If I can offer a little suggestion, the best thing that you can do for Declan and yourself is to send love. I know that may sound ‘new age-y, or corny,’ but let me explain.
Love is an energy, the highest and most powerful energy there is. When we are locked in grief, our emotional energy is understandably low. The weight of our emotions affects the energy of the one who has passed. They need to move on, learn, recover and expand in consciousness. The weight of our emotions on the earth plane makes it so much harder for them to do that. When we take the time to just hold love for them this is a helpful vibration. They are able to move on and progress. And later on, when they have adjusted, they can be of great assistance to you and your loved-ones in your earthly life.
How do you send this love? Think of a candle flame and that flame is his heart. Spread that light into his heart and simply repeat, “I fill you with love, I fill you with love.” Once you have done that for some time, then imagine the flame within you and repeat the same words, “I fill you with love, I fill you with love.” Yes, fill your heart with love too. I will be honest, this will be emotional for you, but your job right now is to help Declan and to help yourself. Love is the only energy that can do that. Love fosters forgiveness and freedom. Fear, worry, shame, guilt – all of those negative energies do not heal. They keep us trapped in pain which is life-sapping, unhelpful to our lives and to the one who has passed. No one gains when we are stuck in these negative emotions.
Projecting love to Declan gives purpose to your life because you are helping Declan (not holding him back) and you are starting to heal your heart. This IS something that you can do for him that will help him so much on the other side of life. No words can express how much it will help him.
Whilst we never can forget out loved ones, we do, over time, have to let go. Everyone in our lives is on loan to us. We come together to live together, to experience situations together in order to learn from each other and spiritually grow. The purpose to physical life is to come to know who we are (spiritually) and to love under all conditions; and that love must extend to ourselves too. We will never know ‘why’ he chose to do this—as we are not privy to the reasons ‘why’ in the earthly realm. And we can spend the rest of our lives in search of ‘why’ or we can spend our lives honouring his beautiful soul, helping him in the best way we can and know how—with love.
I hope that I have not offended you in any way – that is definitely not my intention – and if I have I sincerely apologise. I’m sorry that I have gone on at great lengths but I just had an urge to share with you what I have come to learn through Spirits’ communications and life experience. Spirits words have helped me overcome some of life’s boulders that have appeared on my pathway one of them being the loss of our beautiful niece to suicide.
I send you love from the highest form that Divine Love’s love bathes and soothes your heart.
With endless love,
Helen